tomorrow maybe?

days past as usual. boring. haha. my dad used to scold me if i say boring. he will asked me to do something instead of just spent my day saying boring. i forgot to wish my dad happy father's day. what daughter i am.. not even remember. even mother's day either.

i try to study. but seems that im awake doing nothing much. awake on the afternoon till early morning like an owl..sleeps at day like an owl. hahha...even my friends says im not normal. weirdo. funny? i dun think so..

ok. my parents always remind me to study. but instead i linger and wasting my time. 2 days has gone. down to 4 days for only bio, chem ans physics. thats crazy!!!!!!!! at least if i dont waste my time, i have 2 day each for my exam. but i blow it up. stupid..

should have just wake up normal, awake normal and study normal..

so long.. gudnite.

if only?

Keeping myself a thought of myself, have i made the right choice in my life? which path, did it do me good? sounds cliche, but thats why the words goes round and round because it's true. people learn from mistakes. i do know why i'm standing here in this position. the decision i'v made 2 years ago. when i came here. i made a thought that this was good for me. but it ain't stay that way for long. i do stuff, pretty more than anyone else. good stuff, some were not even promising. but i made that way. i made it. and i turn out mostly the opposite way from what i expected.

1 year ago, i decided to divert a bit. it went well for quite long enough but i changed. yeah, people do change. i myself did. it do brings partial happiness but it sorts of taking something back. it cost something for something and we human pay. i miss the old times sometimes but, i done wrong. if only time can reverse or stop so i have more time to give a second thought again. so no segregations like now which i dislike most.

Now, i learnt from my mistake. but i never admit it in a way of physical. but in sense of way in this writing. where i tell my story. i wish i made the decision 2 years ago and never divert but stay put and re-enhances myself. once, my friend told me. that this does not go long. how far my friend is true. i don't know, i can't see whats coming but i can see whats passed.

So, here i am, if only..i never met these people, i never met this place, i wouldn't be here in the first place... i'll lose this if i do. This where my life is about to propagate.

Here I am, again.

My days passed normal these few weeks. but last night was horrifying. i felt sad no matter what. it's funny to hear them singing out loud to ease those tension inside. maybe for fun.

but, no matter what, no matter that i laugh my lungs out, i do cried. not literally but inside me. pain. i feel sorry..

this is what it's felt like when we're not being able to do something to help to wrap and just let it flies or flow, leaving.

i wish i can do something. but God made me not.

One day you'll be the happiest person in the world. You deserve.

my dream

nice and weird dream. uncommon actually. but a really good dream. i love the scenery. :)

it started when a family who is the executive of KFC was supposed to send a representative in a challenge where we have to drive very fast and find our own company's checkpoint. so, i have to race to KFC checkpoint, which where i don't even have a clue but just a simple drawing of map..hmm

The other executive representative using a kinda sport car or modified car. but mine just a normal blue sedan with awkward settings. right side driver, gear no showing 1,2,3, or even R, but showing btf0, btf1, btf2, weird3!! accelerate on the left and break on the right! man, that's tough to get use to it.

when i'm in the car, ready for my turn to start the challenge, i see from inside the car, it was drizzling. on my right side is a 5 star luxurious hotel with tall pillars and entrance fully glass. it's yellow orange rich light shone from inside to the outside. chandelier with rich crystal looks very heavy and expensive. my, my, my, this is what it is when executives having their family day.

i'm about to start my race but people blocked my way. 2 car came and parked on the lane where we supposed to use. and my right their block even more with table settings for food. Ish! piss me really. when my turn came, i step on the pedal and off go with a very fast speed and manage to overtake a red car which is in-front of my car. what's funny is that car look like kuwe's car. hahahahhaa...but a chinese lady drove it.

then, we suppose to make a right turn. wow!! a maze! how to drive with a very fast speed?? at last i couldn't find my check point and the red car and the blue car i drove collide!! luckily i'm still alive. how on earth that lady manage to escape very fast?

when i'm out of car, i'm on foot. this new place look very old. like spanish, venice, argentina mixed old buldings with no colour. just natural colour. sands on the floor and no one is living in any of the buldings.

as i walk, suddenly a bamboo stick hit me on my right. Oh!, there a few ladies hit sticks and small bamboo threw those things at me. i ran as fast i could but, the more i ran and escape, the more i'm lost and the more i met this people throwing this stuff at me. then i came to a dead end. behind me i sense people standing and i turn face this old man and ask,

" are you going to throw stuff at me?" then he replied,

"no." but i saw he dropped a ball behind him. hahahha.

i figure since i'm lost and people here throw sticks at me everywhere i am, i ask a favour from

him.

"can u please bring me somewhere to hide for protection and high enough?"

( u must be wondering why the conversation in english. it's because everyone in my this dream speaks english. ouch!)

he replied, "yes, come with me."

i follow him, deep into the buildings but, the scenery gets better and better. IT WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL!! u can see a river, clean where people fish. the grass is green and we walk uphill. looking foward, a nice buildings i can say, made of bamboo and woods. a tall house, connected to each other. from floor to up reaching the sky. but not that tall laa..a nice brown colour though. very much like home. we climb from one house to another until reach his.

i was amaze by the people and what they have in their house. look like the aborigines, natives of sarawak and sabah, mixed with Inca time civilisation and all those where people still relies on bamboo and sticks...wow! amazing. but they are people of this time. modern but just no radio, tv, and cars. then this guys introduce me to a girl. a beautiful girl about my age. maybe slightly younger. pretty. very pretty, her face has a kind look, she has dark hair, but not black, fair, but not too fair, just nice, not slim, not kurus not fat either. like..emmm...u can say almost like scarlet johannson's body. hahaha

her dad ask for her help to bring me to a place high enough like i had request. she show me a stairs then i thought i wanna climb like monkey but she suddenly pull the stairs down. Gosh! malunyer.. she told me to climb and i did. on my way up, she ask me what's my favourite lullaby. i have no answer to it. aaa...ummmm...aaaa..ummm all my way up until i've the top i say, cartel burwell's. then she ask,

" like the one in twilight?" oh! SHE KNOWS THAT MOVIE!

when she smile, is very soothing. i feel much better rather than worry that i'm lost in nowhere. it creep me actually for have reaching this kind of place although a moment ago i was near a 5 star hotel. she climb the stairs and stand right really near me facing me, with her eyes look into mine.

luckily she's a bit shorter than i am.

(FYI, for that, i've just realise that i'm actually a guy in this dream)

feeling weird, i left her walk the floor. she lead me and open the rooftop. Unfortunetly, it was block by a large massive papaya plant. she didn't say anything and she took a small basket ( the one look like anyaman) full of small coins size of 20 cents, 50 cents and 10 cents. same colour as our penny but the inscription is not bank negara. it's something different like ancient coins. uuuuuu...

"what do want to do with that coins?" i asked.

"the highest rooftop belongs to 'boukhjih' (something like that the sound). it means the elders of the village." she answer.

i took a peak. Shoo0t!!

"u don't have to. it's ok." i took the basket from her hands and place it on the table.

i didn't tell her why but one of the elders look like my relatives either from my mum or dad side. i can't tell. but she wears batik.

we climb down till we reach the ground. i can see she have interest in me from the way she talk and walk. she always bang at me no matter how. she bring me to see the place well. the place is very big..seriously like very wide place..beside the river.

the spanish mixed buildings was the entrance, then the beautiful village that high as 10 floor high, the at the back of the village is much better. more people we i can see..friendly. very friendly. old people, young people, kids jumping, running around. but the thing is, there's always a pavement for people to walk. nice..very nice indeed.

then i stopped by a view, a building, white in colour. beautiful amazing. the entrance very grand..wow!! with blue and red stones on the entrance. but i didn't enter as she doesn't.

"u know, the elders is watching us, so lets not be to near."

i smile and walk apart from her and she pull a face. hahaa cute.

we walk on the grass, the soil, the pavement....all along.. i'm not even concentrate hearing what she's saying. but our fingers always touch then we stop. a little kid is laying her cloth on the pavement to dry. but she, the lady i'm with step on the cloth. i was shocked. she tell me it's normal. (is stepping on someones cloth really normal?) then beyond the kids are people my age, offering her food on sticks. its pink colour flesh like baby pink colour and and flesh look like sotong use in rojak. that food have human figure look but amphibians actually as i saw it's fingers and legs like frog's. she lick it and eat it. weird a bit but seems very delicious to them. when i look down, damn! i realize i'm only wearing my grey boxer. means that i don't even wear my pants. gosh! hahaa

she send me until the way out, out of the village, out of the spanish mixed old buildings, out of the maze where i first encountered.

" goodbye, i only can send you until here. u know the way back"

" guess here i have t o walk all the way to the hotel as my car crashed."

she smile. the best smile. a beautiful smile. love it when she smile..

i was struck. she look lovely. before i leave, she say don't get lost again. i just giggle and i walk.

that's the last time i saw her. her name is ALISYA.

heartless vs 'heart less'

Repent. It’s a good word we should take account.
Human hearts are very strong. But feelings are fragile, brittle..and somehow bitter.

When coincidence comes, eyes awe the heart, grip, chained and warmth felt, no one can say it is heartless. It's something. Something that just not a thing. Something that is unseen, unheard, untouched. Five senses are proved to be not functioning.

Later, when truth, lies, reality comes, eyes filled with tears, gripped, hurt and cold-nest felt, one can say it is 'heart less'. It's when the heart is taken, but not been loved. How sad can it be? Five senses again proved to be not making any sense.

She's no heartless as she love. She no lie as she's true. She's no say as she put love require no words. Who is she?

Heartless when have cold-steel heart, do as if nothing is going on although eyes awe the heart. Keep when shouldn't 'cause afraid. What if let go and return the unloved heart? Or she who should retrieve? Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare's Macbeth benign the truth and the lies.

'Heart less' she is love taken as she have feels for. Alive but heart no abide in soul. Alive but no heart in life. Only have past to compensate, past to be feeling, past to remember. Aids in breathing.

She may have no say but she have say in remains of pieces.

Life's like a book. Love is a chapter. Feelings are the title.

When eyes awe the heart, please don't be heartless leave she 'heart less'.

we grow like pipe

This resemble why is my blog name 'pipedrain' and the meaning of each letters is known already. story behind it is the reason why human is the greatest creation ever and obviously each and every human being are different to every man in this round rounding growing old earth.

I'll do pick and say we are mostly like metal and re-inforced pipe. metal pipes functions well, sturdy, looking good and strong but weary later as time pass. water starts to form murky colour, metal contaminate and toxic by the oxidation process due to light-weight, colourless air.

We are pipes, water represent our nature, moral, knowledge, our respect and love to parents, maturity, perseverance from the day we born 'till the age of teen. AIR represent surroundings, how we cope with it, how we react, are going to be a better person or just what?

then we corrode just like metal, until the municipal council decide to change the pipes to re-inforced pipes.

Above teen age, we become mature, strong sturdy, not weary and can withstand resistance alike the strong force of blood flows from left ventricle but weary as times flies like blink of the eyes, every bit of sand and stone particle removes, weaken and shaped inside, untold, unseen, unpredictable. that's why human change, for better or worse.

Water resistance=love, friendship, hardship, works, study, financial and so on you name for it..the list never ends even 'till the end of humanity.

have you ever heard LOVE IS OUR RESISTANCE?

An owl

Owl sleeps at day, haunt at night. ready, eager wanting for its prey.

I however, sleeps half day, awake the whole night 'till before the orange light at the horizon rise. And bla bla bla...

i have met 10 person in life whom i always see, hear and speak to. 5 person i miss most but i never expressed it. I was known as a cold-steel person. never smile, never wink, never laugh. interesting was almost never in my vocabulary. if u ever meet any of my schoolmates and ask who was i. definitely they would say: someone you should stay away from if u got nothing to do, take her to be in your team if u wanna win, smile if u dare to smile, and never do something stupid and reckless.

words are just words, some are very painful words. but it reflects the truth the whole time. a request by all means, a subtle when indeed. but it was meant to remembered and forgotten.

10 person i met by turn, 1st is a loud person, indeed very cheerful and interesting. 2nd is a born leader, indeed kind at heart. 3rd is a bit quiet but have strong heart. 4th, ring my bell, drew my attention wanna know more this devoted she, 5th funny but focus. 6th is coolest person i know at this place, 7th is kind-hearted responsible sensible person, 8th cheering happy smiley, 9th funny and intriguing, 10th a charm in a moving time.

they bring new kind of my life page..weird, alien, but fun and phenomenal. but it almost end like darkness comes to light.

sweet dreams

wohoo! gudnite all nighty and morning sunshine. stars still flickers shooting their hot red helium gas..very distant that we can't feel it. beauty of its straight linear rounding shine..my 'mumy's fav'.

my heart still beating, normally on the left side of my chest (don't tell me your's at the right side). i'm eager to have this sharing with you guys, cause i love you guys so much..thanks for being born. you've made my day and i made yours.

TO ALL THE LADIES OF LAMAN 4.